i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Someone came in the potted fern
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
