Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Randomize
