If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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