Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
