If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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