Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I will die if light touches me.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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