I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
