just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
