Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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