So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
