i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
