When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
