11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
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