He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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