my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
