Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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