I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
