all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Randomize
