1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
