Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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