I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
