why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
