So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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