He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
