I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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