haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
