I can't breathe out the right side of my face
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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