yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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