do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
