Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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