I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
