Can i not drive my cunt home
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
