I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
