why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
