new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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