How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
