I am puke
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
