What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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