she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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