I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
