Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
