Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Randomize
