the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
