If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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