I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
