You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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