NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
