My nipple is on Facebook.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
