I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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