I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
