i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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