I'm lost and stupid without you.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
